I like the shape of things.. the shape of certain typography, crispy old maps, scrollwork on a building, perfect circles,(or even crumbly edible circles), things with chocolate, starlight in an empty field, and thumbtacks on a big wall atlas.
Speaking of atlases, I like knowing where I'm going.. so I know when I'll get there. None of this floundering in panic, unsure of landmarks. No; when I get on a bus I enjoy the ride more if I can perceive the destination. Like reading a great book, I like to sneak a peak at the last chapter of a book so the surprise of the end isn't as intense. Some people call it spoilers, I call it having a clue.
Having a clue is not somethng I'll ever admit to having had regarding maths.. any math. I get why we need it.. People use it every day. Even historians use it! There's a purpose to it, and I like that. Sometimes I even find myself admiring the way math looks.. but it's like admiring a poem in another language. It's pretty but what does it mean if you can't translate it?
..and although I like the shape of "pi" I'd much rather eat "pie."
my kind of "pie"..
MATH ANXIETY
I took math in grade school because it was required. As I got older I got worse at it. I got to the point in high school where every day was excrutiating.. I don't think my math teacher should have been teaching. His temperament was much better suited for sweaty boys on a football field. Sort of a 'tough love' ball breaker. He had no time to explain anything.. he just plowed through it. The kids in my class were no better. I don't think any of us were that bright, but they were good at bullying. Suppose you got a problem wrong and your teacher cracked wise about how dumb you were? Your only reprieve was if he was making fun of another student.. Your classmates would punch you or trip you on your way to the board. Thanks for no favors, there. I'm not sure how I got through it. I recall trying to take geometry once, and while I liked it (and the teacher was 180 degree difference!) I wasn't prepped for it and dropped it. Oh how I wanted to 'get' it though. Some people aren't well suited for math.
I was the sort of person who excelled at vocabulary.. I was a voracious reader in my spare time. I'm also inately curious about things and people. The problem with how they taught math when I was growing up, (and this may be the case still) is that no one has time to tell you the 'why' of anything. Why do we have math? Who created the various formulas and theoroms and why and when do we want to use them?? It was all a matter of "this is what we're doing today and this is what you'll be doing for homework.." Why am I doing this? Why do I need to solve it a certain way? Why does it work (or not?) No time for that, just do it.
Except I couldn't do it. I would sit at the kitchen table in front of my math homework staring at these problems like they would eventually just jump into my head and make sense. I couldn't get help with it and I wasn't learning in school. I would eventually find myself sitting in the darkness weeping every night. I managed to graduate high school with the bare minimum of math skills. I managed to pass my ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational exam) with the bare minimum of math skills. I attempted to go to college and not take maths, and when I did, I ended up dropping the class.
Fast forward some 24 years later and I'm returning to school, I've gotten older.. my math skills haven't gotten any better, the kids are young enough to be my own if I had any and many of my instructors are some 10 years younger than me. Suffice to say, I'm too old to be sitting in maths weeping like a 14yr old.
I took a placement exam which ended up timing out on me as I took too long to figure an answer. I tested into Pre-Algebra, which was where I was in high school, getting my a$$ kicked (somewhat literally) by my classmates. Just thinking about having to take all those math classes I would need to get to Statistics made my stomach churn and the waterfalls of tears start up. Who wants to return to that??
LISTEN TO CLASSMATE REFERRALS
I got a couple different referrals for the same maths prof. from classmates in my California History class some semesters back.. (I love how when you ask people they're like "Whatever you do, don't take that person!!") I met the instructor and they seemed really nice and pleasant and energetic. When they were out of the room I got my first honest feedback from another student saying the prof was really nice but "I'm failing this class!" um.. OK. Maybe I should have ran away right then but, no, that would be rude. I talked to the prof a bit more about the book we'd be using, got the info and before I headed out they gave me info on a summer class and invited me to show up and check it out. How can you say no to that??
I actually did show up the first day of summer session. I found the class and it was yet to start. Within about ten minutes of waiting with a handful of other students, I had a panic attack and scampered off to the bathroom to weep my guts out and then left the school without checking in to let them know I tried to attend. I'm sure the person had better things to worry about.
As it was I did show up for my actual class Fall of last year.. I didn't do that great but I did a lot better than I expected. The first couple times I was waiting for something from the sky to fall on my head. I was waiting to get called on or called out.. or something. There is a regular rhythm to the class.. There's no big surprises, no hoop jumping, no drama really. It was difficult.. and it's still difficult. I'm not doing that great in general. I failed my Intro to Algebra last semester (I got a "D" which is failing.. you need a "C" to move on to the next gauntlet) This semester I'm taking Algebra for Stats.. Suffice to say I'm not much better at that then the Intro Algebra and I'll fail out of this too if I keep it up. I keep showing up though, and some days are really good, and when they aren't, I haven't given up. ..not yet!
EVERYTHING IS RELEVANT
What I've picked up outside of math is that there's these great philosophers that did more than a bit of dabbling in math.. and some of the great minds of science (of course) are fluent in math. The things I enjoy are because of math: The Enlightment, Art History, Political Science.. they all have elements or routes to maths in some way. Words. Theory. History. People. Historic Perspective. Happiness.
Math history and popular culture.. a way in (and out of the anxiety)?
COMMITTED (or just crazy?)
I already decided that some things would need to take a backseat to my pursuit of Statistics.. I already made the mental and emotional leap to having math as the center of my universe this next year, so maybe I should act like it? I'm changing tack and charting a new course. My goal isn't a math degree, it's a History AA for transfer. I can't get that if I don't pass Statistics. I can't pass Statistics if I don't pass this other class, and I can't pass this other class if I don't "get" it or I don't find a way to understand the what and why of what I'm doing. How do you drive a car if you don't understand the mechanics of the vehicle or the laws of physics? (OK people do drive cars without understanding how their car runs or that whole pesky laws of motion thing!)
I don't drive, but I get around OK. I guess that's what I need to do (learn to get around OK), so I'm going to try this, (as well keep studying & practicing..) and maybe do some deep breathing exercises.. Although I'm not capable of deep breathing either.. the lungs aren't that great; but neither are my math skills.
ps: if anyone has suggestions for great math theory books,histories or relatable 'junk food' (I was thinking Outliers or Tipping Point would be a couple good ones but maybe not (they're more sociology than math) feel free to comment. It's not that reading will teach me math but give me another angle, POV of looking at it all.. and hopefully answer the "why."
There's plenty out there on letting people go..
forgiving the truely evil that entered your life
(and have done you emotional/physical harm)..
Getting rid of toxic people,
like 5 Simple Steps to end bad relationships..
But what about keeping the good ones??
What about attracting the right people into your life and knowing,
recognizing and being the sort of person that keeps them there..
Some people pass through and that's fine.. but what if you'd like them to stay for coffee??
or maybe hang out and watch a movie? (or whatever?)
Stuff happens.
People fade from view, move on, get forgetful..
but what if you see people in your life you want to know but don't know how to keep a path clear?
Life is messy.
People get busy. People lose sight of each other.
Sometimes we don't think we have space for the new.
Sometimes we hold on to the wrong things longer than we should..
We clutter the path with good intentions but lose sight of the journey as a whole.
It's hard to know.
How can you stretch an open hand when you are still clutching?
I suppose you can't name every person you have ever met, done business with, or been friends with:
not EVERY person.
Some people may have been friends and you didn't realize it: quietly advocating on your behalf, wishing you well.. hoping for you.
There are probably much more that don't pass a thought for you, and why should they?
You were a transaction, a moment in the endless rotating belt of groceries that scan through.
One of a million..
but a million or more still.
Then there's those people we let in, those 'toxic' people..
We don't know they are toxic til they've sucked us in, we imagine; taking our soul, f 'd up our life in some manner..
Committed some soul crime against us.
I've known people like that and yes, I've been accused of such things..
They're good to be rid of me and I'm good to be rid of people like that, no??
But honestly, I don't feel that way. That was a learning experience for me. I still care about that person in that I hope they found their true life path and are happy.
That's good enough for me.
Some people are pulled screaming from our life, and we think we can't live without them.
It hurts but we learn to move on.
We live.
Some people spend forever wondering why they had to go; why they left.
Death is permanent.
How can we find them so we can get that closure? I learned a long time ago that if I was meant to 'find' these people, they would be found.
I stopped looking,
I learned to live my life and be the best person I could without or despite them.
In the end I don't think it matters that I didn't find them. At my base level, I am a happy person.
I had a good life.
I had people that cared about me, took care of me and made a family for me.
I'm good.
That's not to say my jar of happiness is full..
the jar expands to fit all the goodness and joy that can be had and shared..
on the other hand there's people that come back so different (me being different too) for our experiences and journeys that there's nothing there.
We are totally different people.
Sometimes that path you follow leads you away..
And when the path leads you away, becomes so tangled or toxic, maybe it is best to snip it away.
Let go of the dead leaves, the rotton produce..
allow room for new shoots to grow.
Often there are marks where things have been lost..
bruises and scarring.
You can't pretend it never happened, that the people in your life don't exist..
but they are part of you history, your past.
You don't have to acknowledge them anymore, but..
you don't need to pretend they never exisited.
Know that you aren't perfect, that not everyone fits in your life all the time or forever.
Know there are people who love you and want you in their life despite your flaws..
Know you always have room for improvement and that even if you can't keep all the people you meet, you will meet new people (people you may already know about & just haven't met) who won't think you're a jinx,
or possibly have new lessons for you..
and new adventures to share.
I may let people go, but I will never forget them..
Sometimes I worry that my path is so short now that I might not get to meet anyone new, not learn as much as I possibly can,
and my adventures are almost over.
I know I'm not perfect.. (and I've become even more wary of people these days..as if that's possible!)
but then no one else I've ever met in my life is perfect either,
and I'm glad for every one of them..
and any of the new, brave souls I should open myself to along the way..
We try to be good people,
and it doesn't always work out.
We aren't as good as we could be,
should be,
or aspire..
and for some people that will never be enough.
Finding a balance, and not giving up,
or forgetting the winding path we've taken.
I don't know for certain how to consciously attract the good,
but I can clear the negativity ahead to
make room for the pre-exisitng good
and for the new without losing hope.
It's the closing of the year & time to make a new list of stuff that I probably won't accomplish.. but that's the point right?? We try to do better.. sometimes we do... sometimes it's just wishful thinking.
Some previous list items that are #done or almost there:
01. READING. This year I did fantastic with the 'reading at least ..2 books a month' challenge.. I managed 53 (& counting!) I think I'll stick with that same challenge for 2015 since I also know I don't read as many books when school is in session. ;)
a few of the books I plan to read or re-read or currently reading for this next year..
02. "Getting Home more." We are home. We are in Berkeley. so #happycamper right?? ;) SO..
2b: getting back to SoCal to see friends now & again would be good!
03. Walking/Biking/wii fit.. I did better since 2011.. I'm walking every day! I get my 10k+ steps in almost every day.. and I joined the Y a couple months ago & am hitting the pool once in a blue moon.. the next step is to make an appt. with the trainer so I can use the equipment (the rowing machine especially!!) properly!
3b. Bike. When the weather gets better.. Back on the bike! Be brave! Hit those Berkeley streets & hills!
04. Join some of the Berkeley Path Wanderers walks.. There's a couple coming up on the 1st and the 10th.. The latter will be a Little Free Libraries walk.. so you know that's right up my alley! ;)
05. Passport.. I have a new copy of my birth certificate, so. um.. yeah. Get that thing! I wants to go on a cruise or run off to Canada & see friends one day. ;)
06. Back on Program.. I'm on, I'm off. I got down to about 172 (from 190+ lbs in Feb.) and back up to about 180 this holiday.. so I'll start tracking my food again after the new year.. My ultimate goal is 140 with a plateau of 150.. ;)
NEW STUFF:
07. Each day is a new day. I am going to try & treat each day as a new opportunity to try things again.. Not let people or things get me down for too long.. If someone dissapoints me, I don't want to let it pile up.. Maybe they were having a bad day & took it out on me? Maybe it was me that did something wrong, but no one told me. Who knows? ..I got to not let that tear me down or hurt me. It's a bad habit I have, and it piles up or re-visits me at the wrong times.
08. Along that line.. I can't say I'm going to be Pollyanna.. but I do realize no one loves you when you're down & out. With that in mind.. I'm going to try & not verbalize my misery so much. Not only does no one give a rats, it makes me look like I can't handle my junk & I'm a whiner. I can totally handle it but I'm definitely one of those people that verbalize more than I should.. Honestly, I get over stuff pretty easily.. So if something bugs me one minute or day, I might be over it an hour or a day later. Maybe. ;) So yeah whining about something that I end up letting go of within minutes makes me look pathetic.
09. Clear the clutter. We downsized but didn't downsize our stuff so much. So getting organized is probably the biggest thing that's going to have to happen this next year.. I know it's not all on me.. but I need to be the instigator! ;)
10. Continue to be proactive in learning about & involved in Berkeley & California.. whether it's through my volunteer activities, attending Bancroft Roundtable events, book festivals, readings, other historical society (California, OMCA, BAHA, Berkeley) events.. Keep learning and growing.. and keep reading and looking for more opportunities to gather knowledge.
The Neverminds:
10. Creative Writing class. I've returned to school.. and at some point I'll be taking English 5: Critical Thinking in Reading & Writing course.. so.. yeah. Plus the history classes I'm taking require papers so writing is something I'm doing as part of the coursework. My thought is that I want to key in on how I'm writing & encourage my instructors to hopefully give me feedback whenever possible, (so many of these folks have heavy loads & I don't expect them to have time to really talk to me, let alone give me tips or constructive criticism.. but I can ask right??)
11. No longer looking for bio siblings. People who were looking found who they were looking for. I do want to learn about Native American orphanages of the early half of the 20th Century and how they worked and why they even exisited. Not in a rush.
I'm actually in a pretty happy place in my life. When I look through my list I don't see anything that jumps out at me as difficult or not doable. I think of other things I'd like to do.. like getting out in the parks again to continue my photo tour of Berkeley City parks, or returning to the hills to walk.. these are things I just need to allocate time for. They aren't challenges so much as things I enjoy that I've been putting on the back burner. My main focus recently has been school and the volunteering.. Finding balance between the things I need to do and what I want to do (often these are the same things!) could be proabably be a 12?
What makes the soul happy? What makes you happy? Beyond the superficial day to day things?? What goes so deep you feel like your whole self could fall apart into a million pieces?
What is that one constant that pulls us.. pulls you.. through your life.. or the things gets you beyond what you can't bear?
I find myself asking myself this more often the last couple years.. not because I am a miserable person that should die already and spare the world my suffering.. but because I want to be of worth and value to myself and to others. To find meaning where, honestly, there really isn't any when you scrutinize it up close.
For me, my constant has been books.. Specifically, the written word. Whether science or poetry, fiction or fact.. Books have been a true companion through life.. not necessarily a disappointment.. The very first thing I ever wanted to be "when I grow up" was a writer.. A writer is god-like in the ability to create words, worlds, emotions.. to educate, enlighten, empower.. Imagine other things that you have been inspired to feeling or action after reading something? Have you ever really stopped to consider the power that you or someone has by their writing?? That's pretty freaking awesome, is it not?
There are many things I've contemplated wanting to "become" from the earliest age.. a fireman (but 'girls' couldn't be firemen in the early 70s could they? according to my parents), archaeologist... (specifically an "Egyptologist") I wanted to write though since I read my first book.. to tell stories or write poetry.. intermittantly through the years, I had wanted to be a librarian.. (I fell in love with the library at 5.. all those books! For ME!) but there's always the writing.. or did I want to be an astronomer? An astronomer-archaeologist? No! A writer.. or historian, a writer.. and oceanographer.. an activist for Greenpeace and a poet or writer.. A historian, educator (specifically Military History), writer... poet, writer-poet, artist, photographer (oh but my vision is crap.. so..) back to the writing, or perhaps a Civil War Historian? Nevermind.. a Bookstore owner! and a writer.. Perhaps a poet and entrepreneur..(aka Bookstore owner.) For brief moments off & on I wanted to become a layout artist, a book editor, a travel writer.. but regardless there's that constant. The word.
And yes, I still want to study history.... but I've had serious contemplations of "what do you do with a BA in English" moments.. and after well-over 20 years it's been, I've returned to school.. mid-40s looking to learn. Who gets a degree at my age?? Who interns at my age? Why don't I have my act together better?? Why don't I settle? Why haven't I found my niche, my joy.. my center? My permanent peace? Is it possible? Maybe.
It takes time, experimentation, and patience.. which I lack in spades. Why aren't I happier?? Why can't I just be in the moment and enjoy things more? Why can't I be happy with myself? Why can't I just enjoy being happy without feeling guilty for it or that it's not mine to have or without worrying I'm stealing it from someone more deserving? I like being happy.. Being happy is fun. I like to do fun things, I like learning fun things.. I want to put fun things into practice.. What is fun? ..what is fun?? Someone I met once asked me that.. and while I don't know him or his motivations, (and honestly I can't remember what I answered back) History is fun. Perhaps I said that.. *shrug* who knows?
I know I'm new to this.. and I'm not so good at it.. but I do know Being 'soul happy' is fun when it happens.. Imagine you are happy at any given moment.. it passes. Being happy to the core never leaves.. You know what it is that brings you peace.. you know what keeps you breathing in & out every day. If you don't it's important to figure it out.. and I'm still working on it.. it doesn't have to be the one thing.. It can be many things. I find myself recalling somewhat recent days when I was so happy it hurt..
1. a beautiful random day in Berkeley.. I was feeling like crap.. but the light came out from the clouds, I was walking and I knew where I was was where I wanted to be. I was a lotus on a tranquil sea.. (yes, I was walking but I was a lotus, dang-it!) I was content in a sea of homes, people, and whatever else, the tapestry of the town.
2. I was looking at the Community College catelog and found an ART history course I wanted to take.. my heart leapt out of my chest thinking of taking this class.. Of being made to write a paper on some art-related thing.. I often think of these things as 'life cheats'..people making you do things that you're more than happy to do.. What's the catch? What's the angle?? All I could do was sing in my head.. "OMGOMGOMG.. I can get credit for this class!!!!!" I ended up not taking it as I was on waitlist.. but you get the idea.. freaking awesomehappycamper- awesomness! Whenever I think of this class or things that bring me joy I get so happy & content. Things like this stay with me as creative things do. always. Art.. poetry.. music.. words: changable but ever-constant. Memories and words that stay with you in the library of your heart.
3. California History.. You can study this?? You can make it your major and they won't beat you for it?? When can I do this??? Can I start now?? I can't tell you how many times last Spring that I walked back home from school on clouds of pure freaking joy.. Joy.. I haven't completely "shrank myself" over it.. but it's a lot of things: history, reading, books, learning.. so much learning! Topics I care about: social justice, equality, civil rights, environmental issues, exploring, the Depression, the Trans-Continental RR.. photography! (who gets to work with Calisphere?? How do you get that job?) The fact that it was my first history class in over 20 years. The fact that teacher was freaking awesome.. amazing.. intelligent.. and inspring.. yeah. whatever. This class brought all those things I used to care about back to the fore. To life. It was a good class.. greedy me would love to have more days and experiences like this in the future. How?
4. History on Cal Day.. Filtering through the "you should be a history major at Cal" the constant theme of learning, and flexibility.. They let you read! BOOKS!! Lots of books! Lots of reading.. lots of learning! They want you to learn stuff! They want you to specialize! They freaking help you?? Seriously? Why would a prof help me? Why would they even give a flying.. rats! I want to do this!! This is how you get on the path of keeping the good stuff in your life in an ever-learning adventure.. pursue.. ..and keep working on it!
5. Volunteering at the library. "History: You're soaking in it.." This is something that's happening to me right now.. on-going.. along with what volunteering I've done with the Berkeley Historical Society.. I'm constantly stopping my thoughts and waitiing to see if security is going to throw me out and one of the librarians are going to tell me to f' off.. but so far, so good. The happiness is sometimes guilt-inducing how happy it makes me some days. This stuff I'm doing touches on so many things.. psychologically and emotionally.
The library has always been my temple.. my Church. My sanctuary.. Fade to 5 year old Meeko sitting "Indian-style" in an egg chair at the Nora Public Library.. (Indianapolis).. a small pile of books on her lap, big "anime eyes" of joy.. lost in whatever I was reading.. 4th grade at Westfield Elementary learning the Dewey Decimal system, reading & learning the 'parts' of books and the card catalog.. being frightened out of my mind by the librarian but determined to enter the fortress of books and read every one if I could.. Middle School where my most favoritest librarian ever Catherine Whitson looked at me once, knew and trusted I could be trusted with books.. and would personally hand me books to read every week before they even went on the shelf.. Days I would sneak away from classes during filmsstrip sessions or National Geographic documentaries to help shelve books or check books back in... When she transfered to the high shcool, knowing I wasn't the one she was directing her ire at for people disrespecting the space.. helping with year-end inventory..
Flashing back to today.. being asked to do stuff that maybe an intern could probably do.. Death Indexing, filing files.. whatever asked.. I am so glad and grateful! I don't know how long I will be allowed to do this but.. I am happy. There's a peace that I often think no one will get or understand that comes over me.. a joy that can't be scrubbed away.. the same can be said when being allowed to help with Historical Society things..
Both of these things involve history, elbow-deep in it: the active contemplation of history.. Berkeley history.. California history.. history and its role in the bigger picture.. the people that breath and are history.. The people that have lived it here and surround us.. Each person is an expert on their life, their moments.. Each person has value of some kind.. When I'm around these people.. I want to know their stories and the things they know. One can't necesarily. One can wish.
Whether doing all this in the end helps me in my quest for a writing career (I have no idea what I want to write about at this point, I used to think I would be a great fiction writer.. but seriously??) or another local historian.. or a "professional" volunteer.. (that is, making a 'career' out of volunteering my time to the city in some way or another) who knows? I have been and continue to be in a constant state of disbelief and joy. I need to remind myself it's real even if I'm not.. I'm a temporary ping on the radar.. easily replaced but hopefully useful while I'm still there.
So whatever it is, these are just things.. days spent.. moments passed. But the peace. The peace and contentment is there.. and will be remembered regardless if that thing or things that remind us is taken away.. one remembers the peace... that stays. That's where (I think) soul happy lives. My next task I suppose is how to gather up these things and square them with myself. Box them up, take them out & look at them in little bits, and make them function in my life on a regular basis. To not get overwrought if these too are passing phases. To try & not flatten myself because I have no one to discsuss these things with anymore or that I'm alone in my joy. I'm purging here.. because it's overwhelming some days. The cups of joy and thought are too much to carry sometimes. Personal.
I was going to title this post "What's goin' on".. but figured people would collectively throw stuff at me.. and I wouldn't blame them..
I haven't been posting partly because I haven't been up to much.. but I've been up to a lot at the same time..
1. School started up the week of the 18th of August.. I'm taking 3 classes at Berkeley City College this semester.. giving things a chance to ramp up and see where the curriculum takes me..
2. Volunteering: been involved on a basic level with the Berkeley Historical Society since the end of March.. mostly helping with aspects of event hosting: set up, seating people, and clearing things up afterwards, helping with any random mailings, and attend monthly program committee meetings regularly.. I'm expanding my knowledge to hopefully include Docent-ing at the History Center once a month, (especially now that school is in session.)
Recently I was approached about a couple volunteer projects at the BPL.. so I've jumped into that the last couple weeks.. I don't know how official I am yet, but suffice to say I'm happy to be of use, and if I am of any help it makes me very glad and grateful. Some days that's all I want: to feel I have a purpose and I'm not wasting oxygen being here.. And if I have the opportunity to meet folks (and make friends Dangit!) and learn new things.. that's the real lagniappe.. that something extra I shouldn't expect but feel good if it comes my way.
3. Settling into the new home.. We've not finished unpacking our stuff by a long shot.. and it's unlikely we'd be "company" ready any time soon either.. but we're in our new home and enjoying the neighborhood and proximity to all the conveniences that living in Berkeley have to offer.
Also with September here, I'm living the reality of all the various organizations, school groups, and historical associations coming together to create this great atmosphere of history and remembrance for the anniversary of the FSM. So many opportunities to see that great karmic quilt flow and grow: every fiber touching another, crossing through and moving on through another thread.. I already knew the world was small place when I lived in New Orleans.. but seeing it in action between the various history groups, academia, and community activists is something! I could never tire of seeing the world work together.. Berkeley is not the only place where this action is happening.. Like I mentioned, New Orleans was a big example of that for me in the past.. but you can see it happen in your own community if you look around you. Pay attention to all those folks in your area.. what they're doing and the people who flow in and out of your life.. The patterns are there if we look.. No need to be surprised by any of it, just enjoy the coincidences when they happen! =)
As for the posts, I'm trying not to sweat it. Stuff is going on, I just need to let things happen and write when I feel the muse.
How I spent my 4th of July.. (another feline intermission)
Hope you're enjoying your 4th of July weekend relaxing in whatever way you enjoy (this is how the cat does it) As for me, I've got this pile of books..
While we wait for my next adventure to start (whenever that is) I thought it would be fun to show our cats hanging out together for a change enjoying the fresh Berkeley air this evening.. Windows open are nice for the kitties as 1. we have windows that can open 2. lots of birds and flowers in our neighborhood 3. friendly neighbors always out & enjoying the community. Plenty of things to keep the furkids entertained rather than going at each other..
I know, it's a bit backlit.. I was using the "photo booth" feature on my mac..
We've been officially house hunting since late January. We were looking in Emeryville (there's no homes for sale in Emeryville for our price range), all over Oakland, Albany, El Cerrito, Richmond Annex, and Berkeley. We came close to finding a place on San Pablo a couple times (in North Oakland and Albany respectively), as well a lovely condo in Temescal. We even saw a most amazing craftsman beyond Eastmont (that's in Oakland) with original 'keyhole' archways and built-ins that I fell in love with, but the neighborhood and commute was something I'd rather not think about.. but my mind always turns to Berkeley.
When we originally lived in Berkeley I used to imagine my happiness as a "big" house in North Berkeley, with a well-worn & loved porch to read the paper on Sundays, drinking coffee and nibbling a day old bagel from Saul's, relaxing with my shoes off (because that's what I do) and hearing the birds singing in the trees and the occasional car driving up the street. Then we moved to SoCal and while I absolutely LOVED living in the Historic Core (4th & Main DTLA) and everything that I had there, it wasn't Berkeley.
I can't tell you what I love about Berkeley. I can tell you what I tried to verbalize with my brother-in-law once a few years ago before we came back home, but even then I couldn't say what it was I loved about Berkeley. It was a feeling. A sense of being..
When I got off work I would stand outside on Shattuck and I feel the fog misting through the air. It wasn't Ketchikan rain, it was like someone was spraying your face from 10 miles away with some sort of Evian mist.. It was cool and clean and fresh.. and the wind would come up and blow the hair from your face. When the sun shone, it glittered like firelight off the buildings and glass. When the leaves fell, it was like Autumn in Indiana.. one of the few things I miss about living in Indiana. The sidewalks outside our apartment on Grant would be scattered with pine needles and and leaves and the crunch of Fall. I lived in my sandals. If I wore shoes at all it would be my worn out (hole worn in the soles) docksiders. Sweaters. You have to love a place where you can wear sweaters in the summer. I love sweaters.. It's like you're wearing a hug all day. I guess that's what I feel about Berkeley.. and still do. Some un-imaginable happiness is wrapping itself around my heart, it greets me when I step closer to downtown, and stays with me, like a fading light as I make my way back to Oakland.
Don't get me wrong, there are things I love about Oakland.. I love my local cafe and the galleries and the love and heart that my neighbors are putting into their community. I love that I am close to so many good things, despite not being so close to school and things and people I care about. I like that our loft is huge and airy and full of history despite a general lack of appreciation of old buildings here in Emeryville. I love many of my great neighbors who embody the sorts of things that I appreciated and miss so much from my time living in Downtown L.A. The connections and the support I had in LA are so missed here, so when we were able to find a place with history and community of people that look out for each other.. Not the same as Old Bank District at all, but close.. and very OK!
Finding a place in Berkeley should have been impossible, as we'd sized ourselves out of our price-point, (our place at OBD was 1400sq ft. and our current place is about 1200sq.) We even considered finding a small place to rent for a year while we scrounged up enough extra for a down-payment on a place that was be-fitting our size issue.. but after looking at a few apartments and realizing we'd still have to down-size, (and store all our excess furniture) I actually looked at what was out there that was under our size minimum, and managed to find a few places to check out!
As of right now, we do have a place. It'll be a long wait (for me) before we move into it, but when it happens I imagine all sorts of new experiences and new adventures will be awaiting me.. and I imagine I won't be blogging all that much about Emeryville, (if I did all that much anyway). I don't expect it would be all about Berkeley though either.. although the focus would change, of course.
As every time we move, I need to come up with a new name for this blog. I hate that the default url is my name.. but this is my main blog. One day we will no longer be on "the edge of E*ville"and instead will be living within proper distance of the city limits of a place I love very much, and the reason my heart was aching to return back to the Bay Area. I don't know what I should call this blog at that point... "Meeko on Main" worked when I was in the OBD, but I won't be moving to any Main Street... and "Meeko's Crumbs"(ramblings and meanderings) worked when we lived in Anaheim and South Park area of DTLA because I was constantly walking and meandering all over DTLA.. and finding my blogging feet.
School and things have kept me busy all this semester and I don't expect things will slow down all that much especially as I'm trying to find a niche regarding my love of history,community, architecture, books, writing, food, and a tad of photography. Unlike DTLA, I haven't found the magical blogging fairy that compelled me to attend a blogger meetup at an online friend's 100th Rate-A-Restaurant.. the day I decided I thought blogging was the neatest freaking idea ever.
I sometimes wonder (and think) that blogging is over, as is newsprint, then I see that other people are doing it still, and doing it well. Magic doesn't happen in the same ways every time, so I leave myself open to possibilities and the positive, good-natured beauty that is out there in the universe. I will be changing the name of the blog eventually.. to what, I don't know, and how often I'll post.. I don't know.. or what I'll write about, again, I don't know.. but if you're adventurous.. it could be anything. or nothing at all. Hopefully it won't really be about me, though. These personal posts are draining..
..And, I have a paper due tomorrow so I need to clear my head and focus. Oh, it's written.. it's just got too much of me in it. ;)
I had an overly emotional moment in an independant bookstore last evening when I found another copy of a certain history book for sale signed in a personal way to the author's uncle dated 1982; I mean WtF people? Don't you have any respect for your own friends/ family?
I know it's just a book, but books have life in them by those that wrote them and those that loved them. There's a reason I call something a 'keeper': the item is worth keeping and cherishing. Certainly not all books are keepers to all people, but there are some, that depending on the person, they hold and cherish and love and read and their finger smudges and dna get all over them and in them (and yes,that sounds gross) but it is so with any object. You are infusing your possession with your energy and emotions, (or cigarette smoke at the least!)
Getting back to this, I couldn't breathe. I immediately thought again of an incident my dearest friend had when he discovered his nephew had sold off some valuable things my friend had given his sister over the years; signed books and art.. whatnot.. why had the nephew not given these items back to his uncle when his mother had passed on?? I don't have an answer for it and I will never know.. except that it hurt my friend very much.
I had just come from another store where I'd found a couple French translations (one my Honorary Uncle had done) and it had made me happy in a bittersweet way, knowing he was still alive through print and relevant.. "When you write you live forever and" what was I babbling this morning? .."your soul is bound through your words",and the works you leave behind as well, I would think.
It was all I could do to just leave the shop and keep from crying in public. I really hate that sort of thing, but I ended up walking down Bancroft, hands in my pocket with my face continually leaking.. I went to the Central Library at that point thinking I might have some sort of luck finding the book I was actually after (nope!) The library actually calmed and centered me so that was something. Maybe Ray Bradbury was right about surrounding yourself with books, sniffing the pages and climbing the stacks, (which I did not do!) I left still unhappy but at least not threatening to leak out my eyes anymore, instead I think I was sadly annoyed. What is that? frustrated? I'm sure there's a better word.
It's had me thinking about what we leave behind. I know most things aren't important. Your clothes, your shoes, most of your things.. everything is replaceable. The 5 or 10 items that are YOU or that you hold dear, however are not and go with you regardless of where you end up, and when you can no longer move on.. those are the things you don't want to end up in some used bookstore or auction or whatever. Give them to someone trusted, that will cherish the item too, and not see it as so much waste. Have some respect for people's things. Don't hold on to what isn't yours, but certainly don't just give it to the next person along the way. Find a home for it.
Our current place is a loft on the edge of Emeryville. Each unit has one of these giant boxes attached to the ceiling:
This Reznor heater is freakishly loud (imagine a 747 taking off in a small space) and so we hate using it.. I really hate using it, but the spouse will use it if he's desperate. Suffice to say, no one should be that desperate!
Fortunately Costco had one of these Dyson Hot+Cold things and with a $100 instant rebate (til Feb 1st) It was still a bit expensive but with some holiday gift cards we received from family, that helped make it a bit less painful. =)
Suffice to say Alexander likes it a LOT! He sits right next to and makes me a little nervous.. but as long as he doesn't stick his paws in or on it.. it's all good. We currently have it in our kitchen where it seems be placed in a good enough spot to warm a little of the living room area and the kitchen as a whole.. and doesn't short out the outlets.. (we originally had it plugged in near our window where it gets chilly, not realizing a good portion of our outlets were on the same circuit and tripped when I tried to use the microwave at the same time).
Here's a little video I made of Alexander looking very content:
Those that follow me on Facebook know that Sean has been under the weather. The short story is "he is feeling better" the long story..
Sean had a chipped wisdom tooth extracted a couple Fridays ago.. but then as it healed he had a sore throat.. I don't recall having a sore throat after my wisdom teeth (3) were extracted, but I had a different procedure I think.. Sean got his at the dental office, and I went elsewhere & was knocked out as they had to do minor surgery on my mouth to remove the impacted molars.
To be clear we don't think the extraction was the ultimate cause of his sore throat.. this was just something considered at first when this started happening "oh maybe it's your mouth healing from the extraction?"
Sean was gargling regular with warm salt water but that wasn't helping. His throat/roof of his mouth continued to swell and he was unable to talk. He was running a fever from at least Wednesday of last week.
Friday after my contact lens follow up.. we walked down to 7th Street to catch the "E Dash" bus and headed to City West area of Downtown. We got off at the stop by the Mayfair Hotel and walked the 2 or 3 blocks to an Urgent Care place, (which was only a couple blocks from Good Samaritan itself). Sean doesn't have a doctor still (but one of our DTLA neighbor friends gave us a referral so maybe we'll go with that one?!)
The urgent care place, ("US Healthworks") on a Friday mid-morning was not a bad situation.. Unlike the Walk-In ER at Good Samaritan there were no drunk, unbathed patients throwing up on themselves. There were no mentally ill people bothering the nurses station for a bed, (maybe that happens at night?)
At the US urgent care place we had a place to sit while we waited, there was no line of people in the hallway having to stand because there was no place for them. The room was actually clean and pretty quiet given how many people were in there. There was a TV in one corner mounted to the ceiling, and a couple vending machines (one a big coffee vending thing I didn't get near.. the candy machine I just glanced at, but it didn't have anything healthy in it at all). The whole process was a LOT shorter too.
**EDIT:
We were there a total of maybe two hours. When at the walk-in ER it can take anywhere from 5 to 8 hours just to be seen. While the urgent care place isn't ideal (it's best to have your own doctor and make appointments but sometimes you just can't, either because you don't have a doctor or you don't have insurance.
That's often the situation in many US cities.. Downtown LA isn't much different.
****END EDIT***
Part of what sped the process was that Sean had printed and filled out the paperwork at home and brought it in with him. He signed in and got called up twice: once for his paperwork and a second time to pay his co-pay. Sean has insurance through work. I know many people don't and have to go to the walk-in ER or hopefully to places like this which are a cleaner and more pleasant experience.
We waited again to be called to see a doctor. That part took about 30 or 40 minutes. The entire process took about two hours. The longest waiting was waiting to be called up to be processed. Somehow knowing you are going to be seen soon makes it a little easier. I checked my twitter and watched Dr Oz for some of the wait. (I'm still trying to figure out what Walnut Oil does for you... I couldn't hear that part of his program I just was advised it's good against "belly fat" (do you cook with it?? put it on salads? what?!) I may never know!)
Sean was diagnosed with advanced Strep throat.. So he's taking antibiotics twice a day with food.. He's still a bit run-down but he's doing much better and we were able to go see our 'double feature' yesterday.. "Sunset Blvd" at Last Remaining Seats in the morning and meeting up with friends from out of town in the afternoon for Cars 2 and dinner. We even had some ice cream at the Disney Ice Cream parlor before we headed home.
He's at home working today and hopefully will be taking it easy and not going out. He doesn't have much of an appetite and is leaning towards tea and hot soup and salads. I'm hoping by Wednesday he'll be 100%. Wednesday is "Safety Last" and the last our Last Remaining Seats tickets.
One of my more successful resolutions.. to read more is getting renewed for another year.
I know New Year Resolutions are a joke. Most of the time they aren't kept or, attempted halfheartedly. I have a new crop of ideas that I hope some will shake themselves out to a positive effort. Some are just things I want to change about myself.. thought processes and bad habits. What it comes down to I think, is de-cluttering. So far I'm not doing so good & I'd like to think it's because I've spent the first part of the new year w/ the never-ending sinus cold. Never-mind that, here's my list I came up w/ on the flight home from Florida late last month:
2011 GOALS
read at least 2 books a month (since 1book a month seemed so easy)
start writing letters (you know, 'snail mail')
take a creative writing class!
go back 'on program' (this I've started on Jan 3rd! enrolling in Weight Watchers revamped program:"points plus" so if I talk about #ww that's what that is).
go 'home' more.. and by 'home' I mean the Bay Area.. When we moved so many years ago, I really did think we'd get back at least once a month like we seemed to do when we would head to Disneyland from Berkeley.. OK, or every other month realistically..I'd be happy if we could get up there maybe 2x a year?? to start?)
get a passport. I finally am curious enough to go on a cruise or if I ever hope to go to Tokyo or anywhere else in the world ever again).
bike, walk, or wii a day! (gotten to a rocky start with the cold but.. so far so good)
register for & DO a "minnie 5K" or whatever you call those things they do at the parks.. walking first then running.
'walk' the cornfield. I know this sounds lame but getting my butt over there to walk the track just hasn't happened yet.
organize the loft: We aren't hoarders I swear! but one of the bummer things about lofts is the lack of storage. Yesterday I actually priced a storage place to put all the stuff we want to keep but not have you know, 'out'..
re-write my manuscripts: I liked doing NaNoWriMo last year despite not getting to the 50k word minimum, but it did force me to sit down and write a few hours a day. More of that would be good.
Find lost siblings. One of the oddball things of the last year or so is that my biological older sister 'found' me on Facebook. So I found out I have half-siblings from my biological father's previous marriage. I joined Ancestry (which is fun!) and so I'm working on that some. It's not good for finding living people so much, but for doing my family trees, it's interesting. I want to find these half-siblings mostly for my biological sister.. If I can find at least one person this year that'd be good. Right? =)
convert our old videos: both VHS and those mini VCR and Hi-8 tapes of home movies we made at Disney World on our various vacations... Besides the convenience of stream-lining it all, the older they get, the more they degrade.
That last one is harder than it sounds.. I think at some point it's going to take a hardware upgrade (plus I don't know if I have what I need yet to do the conversions).
I think I would add to the list of 'goals' for this year:
visit my dear friend Joe in Eureka. I haven't seen him since he moved up there & I miss him bunches. It'll just be very difficult to get out there w/ out a car.
Find another place to have my afternoon tea and hang out..since Banquette closed New Year's Day..
See more movies! I have about 8 movies I want to go see right now.. and no, they're not all Disney!)
get my macbook looked at The tracking pad has been sticking & it's frustrating.
We'll see how I do. Go ahead and laugh. I already am.
I haven't posted much as I haven't spent a lot of time out & about this month. Instead I spent a couple days in Florida to celebrate my mom's birthday at our DVC home resort, Kidani Village..
The rest of this month I've been attempting NaNoWriMo; 50,000 words in 30 days.. or in my case 25 days.. I'm several thousand words behind at this point.. but I have a few more days. =)
I'm very out of practice for writing fiction. I was thinking contributing to a news blog would give me practice, but it's a different sort of writing altogether. It makes me wonder how Carl Hiassen does it.. (as I guess he still writes for the Miami Herald).
I'm definitely considering taking a writing or extension course early next year. My writing needs help!
Last weekend, the 20th I took another day off from writing to attempt the 2010 "Great Los Angeles Walk" This year they were back to Wilshire Blvd. and since we were unable to really attend it (for long) the first time around 4 years ago, I made sure to make it rain or shine..
Meeting up at Pershing Square (Sean tells me it's 7/10 mi from 4th & Main to One Wilshire) about 100 of us set out from One Wilshire and walked to the Ocean.. Well, I made it to 20th & Wilshire in Santa Monica.. that's when a kind-hearted soul named Michael offered me a lift to Border Grill =)
So Sean tells me that's 14.35 miles of the 16 miles to the beach (or 15mi total from our building.. LOL!). I guess that's not bad for not walking near at all this last year. I am a bit disappointed in myself but I knew if I let the big group get ahead of me by much near the end I would just keep getting behind..
Today we're taking it easy, watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, calling family and later we'll head to Pete's Cafe for T-day dinner and I've got what's left of our Cajun Kringle to eat for dessert later.. Ordered from New Orleans it's really yummy!
Eventually we'll be braving those "so early it's late" Black Friday specials.. but for now, wishing everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving.. however you spend it.
I realize it's been about 2 months since I posted last.. (and then it was personal posts) I honestly haven't felt like I had anything to post about. Not much going on.. for me anyway,(haven't really attended anything lately).
MORE RESOLUTIONS!
1. Since the new year I went back on Weight Watchers, so I've not been out to eat much.. I started the year at 223lbs and as of today.. I'm about 215lbs.. My goal is to lose about 100lbs by May 2011.. in time for the 10th wedding anniversary.. Although I admitted to a friend yesterday that if I get to 130-150 I'll be happy with that I'm sure.
I was pretty content at 170lbs but I know that isn't ideal for me. ;P
Veggie Dog at Weeneez (one of the things I can eat on Weight Watchers)
2. BOOKS! Last year I did pretty good at the "reading more" thing. In general I did read more.. THIS YEAR I'm putting myself up for a very doable challenge: READ AT LEAST ONE BOOK A MONTH.
So far I'm doing pretty good! Right now I'm reading The Last Dickens by Mathew Pearl (we'll see if I finish as the book is due this Thursday.. and I can't renew).
Recent titles (listed in most recent first):
-Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Theif (meh but the movie is coming out soon)
-(DK New Orleans City Guide)
-(Lonely Planet New Orleans City Guide)
-Why New Orleans Matters by Tom Piazza (great book!!)
-LA Noir* by John Buntin (*still reading.. will resume when done w/ library book)
Besides getting back to LA NOIR I want to read Lolita (I love Vladamir Nabokov and have read this book at least 3x over the years) for the Metropolis Books book club meeting for this month.
3. walk/riding my bike.. we'll see how this one goes this year.. Didn't do much riding last year (and not much walking at all) because I wasn't feeling up to going out and being seen in public as overweight as I've gotten.. and this all started when I had gained about 20lbs back.. and then I went over the 200lbs mark.. so you KNOW I wasn't going out then.. LOL so we'll see..
4. Blogging more? Like I said I've not had the heart to blog.. or look around the neighborhood for 'ideas' or stories.. part of me doesn't give a crap. There's people doing it better than me.. and some doing it MUCH MUCH better than me.. so why bother?? I sometimes think I'm so OVER the whole blogging thing. OTOH.. I've gotten pretty lazy.. LOL So this will be a BIG "we'll see" ;P
I guess if I can get off my butt and do more than the Wii Fit Plus.. maybe I'd see something around town to blog about.
NEW ORLEANS.. New Orleans is taking a big chunk of my thoughts these past couple months. People who actually know me (to some degree that is) know I used to call New Orleans home. I lived there off & on from 1991 to March 1999. I felt like I was hitting a plateau in some regards.. and took up my mom's suggestion to give Florida a try.. so I transferred my job to Sarasota and tried it for a year.. The previous December I had started posting on #radp (usenet) and met my future husband, Sean, through a monthly Disney chat.. I moved to Berkeley March 2000. We married in May of the following year.
I think at this point in time, had I not met Sean, I would have ended up back in New Orleans. I love my mom but Sarasota just isn't my bag. For me it was a lot like Indianapolis (with a major weather substitution) Throughout the years growing up, it was full of family and holidays, but I wasn't doing much else. It's not to say there's nothing to do in Sarasota, as an adult, I just wasn't getting out and doing it..
New Orleans is the sort of place where almost every weekend there's a festival, and so many holidays and parades.. It's an incredibly easy place to make a niche for yourself, to make friends and find things to do and see.. It's full of life and flavor.. and so much emotion.. My worst days made good memories. How many places can say that that??*
*Please note, I moved March of 1999.. Long before Katrina.. So my rule about living in New Orleans definitely has some serious exceptions. Katrina being a MAJOR one.
So.. I was OK for a while.. Settling in with Sean.. growing a life together. However, even in Berkeley I wanted us to go 'back' to New Orleans.. He's never been. Me, I wanted to see my friends and walk my old haunts and show him "my home".. Despite New Orleans negatives, there were many positives.. and I was very comfortable and happy there.
We came close in 2002.. I got the travel books to encourage his interest (he never really looked at them) and as it was we ended up visiting Philadelphia (as well Hershey, PA and Baltimore, MD) so I could visit my "Honorary Uncle" and "Honorary Tante".. I am so happy we did that.. I don't regret it one bit.. The only thing to note is that it put New Orleans on the back-burner.. for many years, despite me bugging him to go.
After Katrina I thought I was going to go nuts not going.. It wasn't a time to do touristy stuff.. I wanted to go and put myself to work.. Being married, you can't just get up and leave your spouse to go do your own thing.. Maybe you can, but it wasn't something I thought I could do at the time. It was heart-breaking.
People crap or carp about Katrina.. I don't think some folks can imagine the permanent mark that Katrina has made on the city and its people. So much of the land still devastated, and a good portion of its population scattered to the four winds: to this day many places and people have never recovered from this.
I won't go on here because my post isn't about that.. and I honestly don't want to hear the junk people still put out. No one is asking for your pity.. I don't give a crap that you don't care. I do.. and that's what matters to me. New Orleans has come back, in large part because there's enough people who do care.
I don't know what New Orleans is like today.. I imagine it the same in many places, and in many more places, things have closed or been wiped off the map.. The skyline is changing.. Different people live there now.. several of them are friends of mine, and some.. never moved back.
Last December the spouse made a comment to some NOLa friends of ours.. that with the Disney exhibit there at the NOMA (New Orleans Museum of Art) he'd have an 'extra' reason to come to New Orleans.. This after I hassled him last October to go.. (didn't work obviously).. This time I put it to him.. and decided, if he doesn't go, I will.
So.. VERY LONG STORY.. not short.. some 11 years later.. I'm going back to my other home, New Orleans.. next month. My best pal Rebecca will be in town with her son, and so we'll meet up as well some other friends.. I'll take Sean around the Quarter and Uptown, and we'll do the D-Day Museum as well the Art Museum and possibly Blaine Kern's Mardi Gras World (he wasn't interested in Mardi Gras or Jazz Fest this trip.. nor are we wasting time with swamp tours, nor plantations this time around). It's mainly a hang out with friends and get Sean acquainted with New Orleans.. If he falls in love with the city like I did the first time I stepped foot there, that's a bonus, but I'm not holding my breath. The guy has a subdued nature, (unless the CAL Bears are playing).
I wasn't sure if I should post about the trip here.. I meant this blog to be about living Downtown LA.. I've re-started using the "I-5 Nomads" blog for our frequent adventures (many Disney related..) last Fall.. but that seems like a more appropriate place.. So we'll see.
Anyway.. I'm rambling at this point and it's been very TMI.. So, that's what I'm up to.. or NOT up to, I guess. Hope yours is a GREAT new year! Here's to more Downtown LA blogging.. by everyone, not just me.
Haven't posted in a while.. I recently headed for a last minute trip to Florida (to visit my mom who wasn't feeling well) the last week of June.. SeanYoda had the flu of some kind and before my trip was over, I too took ill..
I spent several days after my return to LA bed-ridden with serious sinus congestion and cough.. but was well enough in time for the 4th of July (before going back to bed another day to recover).
So here we are the 2nd week of July and the July Art Walk is coming up tomorrow.. Later this month is Bloom Fest in the Arts District.. I hope to make that if possible. I also have a trip to the Berkeley/ SF in a few weeks.
Stuff going on.. and I'm behind on local happenings.. I hope to get my act together soon.
OTOH with all the sickness & travel I've been doing a lot of reading! =)
People swimming at Manasota Beach (Sarasota County Florida)
At Ca d'Zan (John & Mable Ringling Mansion) on Sarasota Bay.. Sarasota, Florida.
Photos of the 4th of July visit to Disneyland are up at SeanYoda's Flickr
So much for losing weight.. I haven't been doing the wii since January.. nor riding my bike, nor doing the Skid Row Watch Walk.. nor.. well really much of anything that will help me lose the weight.. and if anything it's gotten worse.
The heavier I get, the less likely I feel comfortable going out & about.. which is exactly what I need if I want to lose the weight.. Today's weigh in?? (after I had breakfast.. which I know is bad!) 212lb. yep.. I am WAY over the 200 mark..
It's weird this time last year I was well on my way to 180 and under.. (I got down to 170lb and maintained for about a month before settling at 175 for a bit..) then around September/ October I cut out my all day walks down to practically nothing.. just walking when I needed to get somewhere.. I was able to do the Great LA Walk with little to no problem (the pain came after!) as well meander around Disney World for 2 weeks with no issue.. but now I'm mortified that all my progress has gone down the toilet.
What's weird is that I'm eating out a LOT less... but I'm still gaining weight. Something to be said about walking it all off I guess. =(
Hate to say it but I need to cut out the desserts if & when I do go out to eat.. and maybe my next couple reviews need to be more on the healthier side.. perhaps I should try the salads next time I go to the Nickel?? sigh... no more salt peanut cake. *cry*
Fat Meeko likes her salt peanut cake. Maybe a little too much..
Maybe we need to try some of that old New Orleans "half-fast walking club" strategy?? I don't know that Pete Fountain lost any weight doing it.. but maybe I'll try something different (like not drinking my way too much through it).
OK enough personal.. hopefully next post will be more downtown.
Downtown Neighbors may have noticed a certain chubby Meeko schlepping stuff on a trolley across the street.. Meeko is moving yet again.. but still on Main Street, so no blog title changes.. just a few days of hard labor with us getting our stuff out and moved to the new place.
New Place, New View, (same landlord!)
We love living in Old Bank District and hopefully a major difference will be that we'll have places to put all of Sean's Disneyana prints and I'll be able to move my desk & stuff back into the loft and give up the little office I've been renting the last few months. A place for everything and everything in its place (that's one of my mom's favorite sayings but not sure where she got that from).
We've eaten out almost every day this week.. which isn't usual for us but I've got some new pix.. so I'll be posting soon.. (The Nickel on Tues & Friday, Blossom on Wed & Royal Clayton's on Thurs & I had lunch @ Weeneez on Friday!) So now you know why it's been more quiet than usual around here. There's just so much stuff to do! DirectTV guy comes this morning so we'll have to move the TV next I guess! (then the cats!)
Alexander will have to take a nap first to get ready for his move today!
I am aware of my Resolutions for this year, and already have done my share of breaking them. I have attempted to keep weighing in, and I also gave a couple days trial on the wii fit (yoga training). I've found I am a bit too heavy for many of the poses, and the cat sharpened his claws on the exercise mat before I got to do more than the breathing exercises.
I haven't lost any weight though.. not enough walking or getting out to be social..
Although I did attend the closing of Qathryn Brehm's show at ArtShare last Friday.. I practiced with the new camera (Nikon D60) and I realized I have a lot of work to do before I learn this camera. Qatheryn is very kind to use one of my shots as her Facebook icon, though. How cool is that? =)
Sunday the 18th I showed up for the LA Bike Meander.. there were 6 of us, and we rode all the way to the Atwater Village bike bridge and back.. I was so sore it took me a good chunk of Monday to recover.. (who's kidding? I'm still sore!)
Mapped out on Google coming from 4th & Main to the Toy Factory Lofts on Industrial (via 2nd & Main to 6th & Alameda) is about 1.8miles. Then we rode through Lincoln Hts. to the LA River Bike Path.. and then back. Depending on where you start that was about 20miles. Not a long ride but long enough for me!
Canadian geese, ducks, and even an egret were among the wildlife we saw along the bike path.
Atwater Village Bike Bridge.. where we turned around and headed back.
Oh! I'm so out of shape.. I was dying by the time we got back to Toy Lofts. I needed a break before riding back to Main Street. Still, I'm glad I went. More Sundays. Less pain. ;P
My friend Keith will be premiering his art documentary "Bloodwork" at the "Enzian Film Slam" at the Enzian Theatre in Maitland,FL.
Keith is an HIV Positive artist that uses his poz blood in many of his pieces to create beautiful works of art. Originally from Louisiana, he & my friend Rob make their home in Orlando, Florida. The show is on Sunday Janurary 11th. I wish I could be there! Check out the film promo:
If you'd like to see more of his actual work, I keep a link to it on my blog here under "meeko's favorites", but for those who aren't in the mood to scroll check out:
I know resolutions don't mean much, other than to be broken. Everyone makes them and then you just watch yourself break them from day one.
Hoping to think a little more positive, I'm going to make a list of challenges for myself that have no start or end date.. more of a guide of things I want to accomplish than 'must do's' and we'll see how far I get the end of the year?
THE LIST
1. More writing! not just here on my personal blog but in general, short stories & perhaps, if I'm lucky some bloggy stuff too!
2. Along with number one, be more active in community events and getting out and seeing more of the events going on in the neighborhood & blogging about them.
3. Start learning my way around the new D60 we got over here & taking more walks around the neighborhood & learning to read the light better.
4. Meander MORE! While I can't guarantee I will go every week, I'd like to see myself going on more LA Bike Meanders.. say twice a month at the least and some other bike adventures.
5. I'm going back on my personal Weight Watcher wagon as of Monday the 5th.. so I'm resolving to weigh in every day on the wii (unless I'm out of town).
6. Reading!! I was lamenting to my buddy Joe (Eureka Poz ) how I've not taken the time to read a thing this year. That needs to change! There's a great list of classic books that Metropolis Books will be reading for their book club this year, and maybe I'll read some! Also I love Charles Dickens, so maybe I'll give Tale of Two Cities another shot? Who knows!? I have a couple news books already I need to get started on, however.
7. Get back to art. Sean got me a great sketch set so I want to take some time and get back to re-learning technique.
I'm sure there's more but I think that's a good start for now.. I'll try and re-visit this post the end of the year. We'll see how I've done in general.
What about you?? Are there any personal growth things you'd like to tackle this year? I'm not talking pounds or miles or number of sales, but in general things you would like to try new or re-try?? The cool thing about new year is that you get another chance to start fresh. It's something to think about I guess.
